What Does Bigfoot’s Dick Look Like?: An Investigation (NSFW)

Warning: This article contains detailed drawings of Bigfoot’s penis and may not be appropriate for work. 

On Sunday evening, Leslie Cockburn, a Democratic candidate for the U.S. House race in Virginia, accused her Republican opponent Denver Riggleman of cavorting with white supremacists ― and of having a hard-on for Bigfoot.

Yes, that Bigfoot. Six-foot-nine, hair in all the right places (and everywhere else). So emotionally unavailable he’s rumored to not even exist.

On Twitter, Cockburn publicly accused Riggleman of being a “devotee of Bigfoot erotica,” sharing an NSFW drawing of Bigfoot’s bod that Riggleman apparently posted on his Instagram account. However, the drawing’s main event ― the Sasqock, if you will ― is censored by a (hefty) black box. 

The tweet, which quickly went viral, raised more questions than it answered. In particular, one big, hard, probing question sprung to mind. To quote Azealia Banks’ 2014 hit “212”: “What’s your dick like, homie? What are you into?”

“His name is Bigfoot,” Lee Roy Meyers, the producer, director and co-owner of adult entertainment company Wood Rocket, told HuffPost. “I would assume that in the Yeti world, the saying is the same.” 

Erotica writers consulted on the subject agreed that Bigfoot is, well, big. 

Writer Robyn North’s erotica Bigfoot Depravity provides some additional detail, describing the member in question as a “solid rod of pain,” featuring a “vein covered shaft of solid meat” and “bloated bell-end.” Chuck Tingle, a prolific erotica writer behind works like Pounded by President Bigfoot and Bigfoot Pirates Haunt My Balls, added in an email to HuffPost, “Sometimes there is fur on it, but mostly it is bare.”

You know Sasquatch got that big dick energy. But there’s got to be more to the relatively popular Bigfoot fantasy than penis girth, right? Is Riggleman more than just a size queen? 

Well, it depends on whom you talk to. According to Tingle, “Most important is that Bigfeet live on the edge between people of the woods and people of the big city. They are outsiders in this way, which makes them mysterious and alluring buckaroos.”

In fairy tales and folklore, forests have long symbolized the deep wilds of the unknown. Bigfoot represents a being on the cusp between civility and wildness. 

Also, they are good at woods stuff. “As natural outdoorsmen, they are very protective and could help you out of a bind,” Tingle noted. “Like, if you were lost in the woods with only a knife and a match, then most Bigfeet could build you a house out of sticks and leaves.”

To debrief, we’ve established that Bigfoot is well-endowed and outdoorsy. Not necessarily racist. Moving on. 

(Warning, lots of drawings imagining Bigfoot’s penis are included below. I made them on assignment for HuffPost. Please do not judge me or my journalism.) 

According to Wednesday Black, writer of the erotic, fantasy novella How to Train Your Virgin, Bigfoot’s appeal stems simply from the fact that he’s a sweet, sweet fantasy, baby. Black explained how fantastical characters like Bigfoot can make tempting sexual partners because of their distance from reality ― and, thus, all of the limitations, taboos and conventions it demands. 

“For me, it was so much easier to engage in an unbridled world of sex where there was no chance of it being real,” Black said. “What is unacceptable in sex can become more palatable and enjoyable if we enjoy it in fantastical terms. We can forgive ourselves for things we shouldn’t need forgiving for.”

As for the fantasies themselves, there seem to be two diverging categories of Bigfoot-centric narratives. In one, Constance Penley, a professor of film and media studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara, explained, Bigfoot is a “relatively gentle beast who just wants to go his own way and be left alone (or, in the erotic versions, will fuck you if you really want him to).”

In this fantasy, Bigfoot is an outsider, but one who is tender and non-threatening. His sweet demeanor only makes his savage lovemaking all the more divine. 

Penley, who has taught classes on porn since the early 1990s, also stressed that Bigfoot, like any popular meme, becomes a “malleable manifestation of just about any hope, desire or anxiety we can project onto it.” She added that there’s a dissertation to write on the cultural implications of Bigfoot erotica.

(Someone please write that dissertation. I will be your sponsor.) 

Erotica writers Black and Nikki Crescent offered different interpretations of the Bigfoot fantasy. 

Black described Bigfoot as “the big, strong man who is led by his desire ― ultra masculine, ultra virile. He doesn’t have any of the cultural handicaps that modern men do. He’s not vain, he’s not going to hold back, he’s going to be very passionate.”

This caveman-esque brand of masculinity harkens back to uber-traditional gender roles, for which Republicans like Riggleman might yearn. Amid contemporary conversations about the importance of caution and consent, Bigfoot represents a return to the idea of sex as something men pursue and women reject, until they’re so powerless they can’t. 

Crescent has written two erotica books featuring Bigfoot sex, one titled Two Big Feet, One Big… . When researching for the project, Crescent realized that Bigfoot erotica often contained a particular trope. “The woman is always being captured by Bigfoot,” she told HuffPost. “The books tend to be a bit… rapey, which is something I’m not so into, so they were hard to write for me.” 

When asked whether there might be a connection between Bigfoot erotica and white supremacy, as Cockburn suggested, most people I interviewed responded by laughing out loud. Yet Crescent thought there might be a strange link between the two parties. 

“I suppose there could be a connection to right-wing values in a very ironic sort of way,” she said. “Conservatives tend to like big strong men and traditional women. I can’t think of a bigger, stronger man than Bigfoot. But you need to go pretty far to the right to get to white supremacy.”

Strangely, one of two readers to review her novella Captured by Bigfoot on Amazon uses the black sun ― a Nazi symbol ― as his avatar. A quick look on his Amazon profile reveals a clear predilection for Bigfoot content. “I love bigfoot,” Mark S. wrote. “You name it, I’ve watched it, bigfoot related movies, documentaries, even radio shows discussing the ‘Big Fellow.’” 

Meyers, however, remained skeptical of a significant overlap between Bigfoot fans and white supremacists. “I have never seen a drawing of Bigfoot with a Pepe the Frog pin on,” he said. “I guess anything is possible? I’m really not sure if Bigfoot is considered Caucasian or pure blood by the Aryans.”

Tingle was especially doubtful of a correlation between the two. “I would say that buckaroos who understand Bigfoot’s trot are less likely to be white supremacy devils because understanding Bigfoot’s trot is a way of love and being a white supremacist is a way of hate.”

Whether or not there is a pocket of the population that loves both Bigfoot and Hitler, the brave souls I interviewed all agreed such people, if they exist, should only be condemned for the latter.

“The sky is the limit on sexuality,” Meyers said. “Why can’t people fantasize about fantasy characters? It doesn’t hurt anybody.” 

Tingle added: “Having a unique pound is not a political way because we all have a unique pound, and that is a wonderful, normal thing as we trot together through this timeline.”

On that note, please enjoy the rest of my drawings of Bigfoot’s big ol’ dick.